Toys I want for Christmas

So, I was thinking about Christmas gifts last night for my kids.  Which led to thinking of stuff I want.  I really like buying my kids toys, because they are just so damn cool.  Plus, I am bigger than them and can make them share them with me.  Because, you know I am just a big kid anyways.  And I am mean.

My wife knows this, which is why she bought me a giant 2.5 foot wide Millennium Falcon as a special gift when my daughter was born.  Why would I get a gift, you ask?  Because I was such an awesome husband during her pregnancy - taking care of the house and our son, so she could be a little less miserable.  So, here is what she got me:

From Amazon

Yeah, that is right, it is over 2 and a half feet long and it is awesome!

Anyways, so what would be on my Christmas list if I was rich and awesome and didn't actually need things - cool toys of course.

Keeping in the Star Wars theme, I would go with this next:

While tactically the worst possible design for a troop transport - I dig the AT-AT.

 Then, maybe the electronic Boba Fett helmet, cause Fett is Bad (yeah, bad with a capital B):

Pew pew, then blast off with my jet pack!

To class the joint up a bit - some sweet ice cube trays:

When I am drinking my whiskey, I would pretend Han is getting drunk with me too!

Now, some weaponry to accompany my drunken self with my Boba Fett helmet on (because we all know that would happen):

It shoots 35 feet!  No one would be safe in my house!

And for when things really get out of control:

A rubber band gun shaped like an AK-47 - YES PLEASE!

So, am I missing anything?

Also, does anyone have any good board game recommendations?  The wife and I want to restock our board games (we lost a bunch in the floods).  Needs to be able to be played by 2 players - something strategic and fun is what I am thinking.  Was thinking about Dominion.. any thoughts from the interwebz people?  Thanks in advance.

Thanksgiving - the aftermath

Turkey Sacrifice by flikr user gusset (used under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Great title, is it not?

So, I have been very far away from reading and writing blogs lately.  Sorry about that.  Busy with trying to get work finished before our Thanksgiving famication to Wisconsin.  Yep just made that word famication up.  No, it is not a vacation.  Since I spend all my time trying to relax but never getting to because I have to drive to or from some family members house every day.  I don't know why I bother flying home, I spent a total of 10 hours in cars driving to different family members' homes for a 6 day visit.

When I first got married I thought it was nice that my in-laws lived an hour from my parents.  Thank you world for clearing that misconception up.

Actually other than the usual holiday family insanity, it was a great trip.  I spent a lot of time with friends I haven't seen in a long time and got to catch up.  I also got to party like the rock star that I am.  Let me explain.

So, Thanksgiving Day I had our celebration with my in-laws at my mother-in-laws house.  My last visit with her was a disaster.  I thought I did, but I never really went into it on here like I had planned.  The quick and dirty of it is that she blew up at me about something that was not my doing (actually her daughter, my wife's fault) then proceeded to basically say she doesn't like me, never has.  In my ever mature nature, I let her know the same thing right back with a few fuck yous thrown in for good measure.  It basically ended with me conceding that I need to be more thankful to her and her conceding nothing.  Win some, lose some.  Oh well.

So, I was more than a little nervous about this visit. It went fine (from my point of view anyway).

I don't know... it's funny. Photo by flikr user wisze (used under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

After Thanksgiving Day, we drove up to my parents to celebrate my birthday.  Which was a blast!  My brother and his wife and kids came over.  The kids sang happy birthday to me, we had cake, a good time was had by all.  My parents watched the kids in the evening while Beautiful Wife and I went out for a few beers with my brother and my best friend.  The four of us met out at an Irish pub where a good friend of mine was singing and playing guitar.  We drank and were merry til 3 am... Yes, I partied like a rock star till 3 am.  3.A.M

I haven't seen 3 AM without a sick kid in 5 years. I was hurting on Saturday.  Especially when Turkey Day round 2 started at 10 am with family showing up. Ouch.

After a turkey lunch I had dinner plans.  One of my best friends from college married a girl this summer from my neck of the woods, so BW and I got to get together for dinner.  It was great seeing a great old friend.  And I got out of the house sans kidlets 2 nights in a row.  That also hasn't happened in over 4 years.  It was great.

The next morning we did Christmas for the kids with my family since they won't see them on Christmas.  We do Thanksgiving instead of Christmas these days because it is just easier.

So, for you folks keeping track at home.  Those 4 days consisted of: Thanksgiving, Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

Can I just skip holidays/celebrations for a few months...  Please?

The Potty Training Blues

Photo by Flickr user AmberStocel (CC  BY-ND 2.0)

Poop is all over the house these days... not much has really changed since I wrote back in July about a potty misadventure.

Well at least that is the way it feels to me.  Sweet Little Hellion is two and a half now.  She has been potty training steadily these past 2 months.  Overall it is going okay.  At school she is a rock star.  At home, it is very hit or miss.  The at home part is largely parenting fail.  With Little Berserker Spawn (4 year old boy) potty training was pretty on point.  He was first born and his sister was still an infant.  I like infants.  They make funny faces, they snuggle and they don't talk back, hit, bite, scream, or whine.  At least not as much as a 2 year old does...

Our lives are just too insane and we cannot give SLH all the attention for potty training she needs.  She is also so very easy going, that things like a giant turd sandwich in her Dora undies don't bother her much...

It has been bringing me increasing frustration these past 2 weeks.  There is nothing I find worse then poop-filled underwear.  I don't mind diapers or poopy diapers.  Not a big deal to me at all.  But having to clean out underwear... disgusting.  And SLH knows that it frustrates me.  She feels bad about it.  Which makes me feel awful for being such a selfish jackhole.

So as a first step in trying to get her along the road to diaper-less bliss, we are trying to get her to just tell us she has poopy pants.  And when she tells me, I force a smile and lay on the praise for telling me.  She asks me if I am happy in her little angelic voice, "Daddy happy?"  And I respond that I am happy she told me and that next time let's use the potty!

That is right, I have to tell my two and a half year old daughter that I am happy about her poopy underwear...

Oh yeah, potty training is all stickers, smiles, bunnies and bears.  Photo credit: flicker user byte

Going along with the whole poop motif I have going on... what can I say - I am pure C-L-A-S-S!  SLH has this horrible timing issue of her bowels.  She poops every morning 2 minutes before we need to leave the house for daycare and work...  E V E R Y  M O R N I N G...  It doesn't matter when I try to leave.  It doesn't matter what day of the week.  I could try and trick her and leave for work an hour earlier... she would have the brown stinkies...

Did I mention I am the sole adult responsible for the morning (mis)adventures of getting to daycare?  BW leaves before us because she works much further away.  The kids go to daycare just down the block from my office, so I am the head honcho for mornings.  YEAH FOR ME ON MORNING TURD DUTY!

Haiku Monday - Halloween!

 Halloween

All hallows eve, YAR!

A pirate and a clone say

More candy please, Dad

From soil-net.com (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Haiku Monday - Wrong Age

Picture Credit: James Vaughan, CC BY-SA 2.0

Wrong Age

Simple life for me

Kids are better than adults

Gray is for the weak

Good luck deciphering this one people... well it is really not all that deep, I am just sort of mentally slow and prone to thinking much too highly of myself.

5 year old Lego Star Wars Movie

Image courtesy of flikr user The mofoJT

A great little stop action Lego Star Wars Movie.  It is filled with pew-pew awesomeness.  A great reminder of being a kid.

Those darn kids... and Punk Rock Friday

I have a few fun stories to share along with some quality punk rock to start your weekend.  Stories first:

So, Sweet Little Helion (my 2 year old daughter) loves the color yellow.  Maybe loves is an incorrect description - she is slightly obsessed with it.  She searches out yellow cars and houses when we drive, then smiles and points them out to everyone.  And you must acknowledge the yellow.  She would live in her yellow butterfly shirt every day if I didn't tear it off her body to wash it - to the tears and rage that only a toddler can produce.  So, the other night Beautiful Wife is upstairs putting SLH to bed and they were chatting a bit.  She asked SLH what color she would paint her room if she had the choice, expecting full well that she would hear 'Yellow!' in her sweet little toddler voice which sounds closer to her saying 'Lellow'.  Instead, SLH responds with 'Black.' in this deadpan, matter of fact way.  Weird little kids.

So, last night I am walking past SLH's room an hour after her bedtime and I hear her singing 'I love yellow, I love yellow' over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  She just repeated her yellow mantra for like 5 minutes.  I think we are going to have to start a yellow cult or something...

All pray to the all mighty YELLOW! Photo by mexikids at Flickr

Ok maybe not... I am too light skinned to wear that much yellow anyway... SLH will be devastated.

On another note, the other morning BW was getting ready for work, SLH was playing on the floor and Little Berserker Spawn, our 4 year old son, was sitting on our bed watching some news and eating some cheerios.  BW had done something a little new with her hair that morning and I thought it looked really nice, so I said, "I really like your hair."  Now, LBS wanted to also complement her, but did not want to copy me so he said, "Mommy, I really like yourrrrr... underwear!"  I burst out laughing and BW was very kind and gracious, and said, 'Thank you, LBS.' While shooting the crazy laughing eyes at me.  HAHAHAHA!  To be fair, she was getting dressed and didn't have her pants on yet.

Punk Rock Friday - the Ramones
So, in honor of my funny kids I present to you for Punk Rock Friday their favorite songs: Do You Remember Rock N Roll Radio?  and Rock N Roll High School.  They Rock N Roll Radio is LBS' favorite while SLH switches between the two.

Domestic Enemies of the Working Dad

I am a working father.  Worse even, I am a postdoc and a father.  A postdoc is like a graduate student - chained to their work, but worse - you don't get any points just for trying anymore.  You have graduated - it is time to get RESULTS!  Nothing matters but results - and journal articles.  Really, only journal articles.  Actually,  journal articles where you are first author.  Nothing else really matters.

Except, I am married with kids.  Little people who fawn over me, adore me, loving me to the bottom of their souls.  Little people who just want to play with their dad, sit in his lap, have him pay attention to them.  And you know what, I love them so much.  I adore every little drawing they make, every rock they give me, every silly story they tell me.  I love that they love me.  I love that they love to be with me.

So, in honor of them, I write this piece.  This is inspired by the hilarious women over at Rants from Mommyland who have a whole series of Domestic Enemies articles.  They are awesome, hilarious, and truthful.  You should read them!

I present to you the domestic enemies of the working dad.

Daycare Mommies
I am the primary parent who handles daycare.  I get them ready in the morning, I drop them off, I pick them up,  It is the situation our family is in.  BW works across the bridge-tunnel.  Yes you hear right - it is both a bridge and a tunnel under the water.  Yes, it gets annoying to be the one 'on call' all the time.  But I also get to be the one to get that last hug and kiss, to be the first one to see them after daycare.  But what annoys me are the Daycare Mommies.  You know, the ones who think it is just "so CUTE that Daddy is in charge of doing the daycare thing.  And oh my, you even did your daughter's hair, well isn't that just so special?"  You know what, just because I have a penis doesn't mean I am not a full-time parent.  Yes, I dress them and do their hair.  I have a daughter and that means I have to do the pigtails or braids or whatever she wants that day.  (Or what I decide is feasible with the nanoseconds left before we have to leave).  Why does it matter if it is Mom or Dad who does this?  And no, their mother is not sick or taking the day off - I do this 5 times a week, 52 weeks a year.  Just shut up already.  Please.

Daycare Parties
I love my kids and if I could, I would not send them to daycare.  Or let me rephrase that.  I would not send them to daycare everyday.**  So, when you the daycare teachers schedule a party every other week along with a freaking field trip every month - I get annoyed.  Yes my job is flexible.  But no, I don't get vacation time.  Sorry, not in the postdoc world.  So, I REALLY don't want to hear how EVERYONE else's Mom (or Dad) is going to the circus.  Why the hell am I paying you to take me and my kid to the circus?  So, no, I cannot always just drop everything and stop by in the middle of the afternoon for an hour or two for your special "Springtime Under the Sea" party.  If I had extra time at work - I would LEAVE EARLY and take my kids home to hang out with me and play hide and seek or something fun...

Oh and nevermind trying to leave after the party to go back to work.  Talk about extreme meltdown...
 
Car Service People
This is a big time pet peeve of mine... no, you cannot keep my car overnight.  No, it is not possible.  My wife works an hour away and I have to pick up the kids.  If you don't fix my car we are stranded.  Didn't I just tell you my wife works an HOUR AWAY.  It is already 4pm.  Nevermind traffic.  GIVE ME MY CAR BACK.



Bosses
If you are going to call a meeting, at least accomplish SOMETHING. I don't have time to waste chit-chatting about your weekend.  Let's get to work.

And sorry, no, I cannot stay late EVERY day this week.  I have to pick up my kids.  No I cannot come out to dinner tonight to enjoy an adult evening with our latest guest speaker - I have to feed the kids and make sure they don't throw their whole dinner off the end of the table or spill the whole gallon of milk.  Yes, I would rather have some great chef prepare a 3 course meal than to ask my 2 year old daughter for the 20th time to please CHEW AND SWALLOW THAT BROCCOLI!.

And yes, I know you cannot even fathom having two kids and being a postdoc... because you don't have kids...  and no, I don't know how I do it either.

Well, yes I do know how I do it.  With lots of help from my wife, lots of laughter and a good sense of what matters to me, and two giggly little kids who make all the stress disappear every day.


**I think daycare is a great thing.  Firstly, kids get to hang with other kids.  BW and I don't have a ton a friends with kids the same age as our kids.  Our neighborhood is filled with old people, so the kids get their peer interactions at daycare.  That is an important thing. Second, it teaches children to take orders from someone other than their parents.  This is important also!  Kids are going to have to learn to listen to a teacher at some point so starting early is good.  Oh yeah, there is also the parental sanity point to be made.  Getting some time away from the kids is good too. 

Struggle

So, I have been sort of in a rut lately.  From a work standpoint and a personal standpoint. For work, I am a physicist, but I rarely get to sit down and do any physics.  My days are taken up by writing papers (not research), fixing other people's problems (not research), reporting my lack of progress on my research, and editing papers for other people (not research).  It can sometimes really annoy me.

On top of this all, I constantly am feeling quite guilty about living 1000 miles from both my family and my wife's family.  My kids only get to see my parents about 2 times a year and they get to see my wife's mother about 4 times a year.  Not all that often.  And it is all because of me.  I chose to be a physicist and I chose to take a postdoc 1000 miles from my family.  Now, to be honest, it was the only job offer I had.  Though, it was my dream offer, so I still feel guilty because I would have picked it no matter what I was offered (most likely).

This guilt has left me feeling like where I have lived for 3 years is not home.  I have never taken an interest in my neighborhood, the town or the region.  I really don't have any close friends outside of work and have never really felt the need to have them.  Why?  Because I don't view this as home yet. 

So, sometimes things just start to pile up on my emotionally.  I don't have a lot of outlets to get away to - everything I do is with my wife and kids.  No close friends - no hang outs - no nothing really.  Don't get me wrong - my wife and kids are great.  But even just once a month - to be able to get out and away - would be priceless.  It is my fault really - I don't ever make the effort to meet people or connect with the people I do happen to meet.

This all starts to add up and affect me in ways I don't always see.  For the last month or so, and especially the last week, I have been incredibly irritable.  Snapping at the kids and wife.  Don't get me wrong, I have never been a person who really thinks before responding.  I say things without thinking all the time. I wear my heart on my sleeve and you can quickly and correctly ascertain my mental state simply by the look on my face.  I don't really have an inner firewall that stops me from saying stupid and hurtful shit.  It just comes out. 

It is usually not a problem because I am usually a very easy going, laid-back person.  In general, I am very happy and so that cruelness that I have had lately is so very surprising to me.  So, I have spent the last few days - since Thursday really - trying to pin it down - where is it coming from?  I think it is that I just don't have any releases anymore.  I don't have any outlets other than talking with my wife. 

And, really, one person can only take so much bitching and moaning.  On top of that, I am not a talk it out kinda guy.  I am a let it process and work it out on my own type.  I am also the kind of person who always looks for solutions which - I find out from my wife - is not what people usually want to hear when they have problems.  They just want someone to listen.  I have been working on that also... but I digress.

So, this lack of an outlet and feelings of guilt are sort of culminating into a nasty little rut.  What I really want to do is spend a night out drinking with my wife and friends, then spend the next day really hung over.  But all my good friends are 1000 miles away. Then I need to remind myself that I really love my job - I usually look forward to work (other then my kids not being here with me) - and that I have a pretty great life.  Sometimes, though, I just cannot see the forest for the trees.

13 year old uses Fibonocci sequence to increase solar array efficiency

So, every year the American Museum of Natural History has an award called the Young Naturalist Awards which "is a research-based science competition for students in grades 7-12 to promote participation and communication in science."

The spiral on trees showing the Fibonacci Sequence.

One of this years winners, Aidan, 13 year old from New York, investigated how high latitude trees used the Fibonocci sequence to boost solar collecting efficiency and applied this to the problem of solar array efficiency.  The Fibonocci sequence is 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,... you start with 0 and 1, then add the previous 2 numbers to obtain the next number in the sequence.  Fibonocci initially used it to describe the breeding habits of rabbits.

His essay, The Secret of the Fibonacci Sequence in Trees, is actually a really great read.  I found it extremely inspiring.  Here is this 13 year old kid, just letting his curiosity guide him, investigating how nature has solved a problem and applying it to the problems on mankind.  Brilliant! 

Diagram of tree model that Aidan made with his computer.

It also makes me feel much less worried about the future of the world.  Maybe as adults, we should listen to the kids more often, instead of shooing them off to play video games.  Something to remember as a parent and as a scientist.

All the cool kids are doing it

So, as is typical of the Berserker Clan, the weekend was spent all together.  Since both of the grownups are so busy with work during the week, we try to spend every possible minute together as a family on the weekends.  We all go to the grocery store, we all go to Target, all go to Home Depot.  It is sort of a production, but it is what we are about.  Yes, I know, I could get it done in about 1/10th of the time alone.  But I miss my kids.

So, Sunday, Beautiful Wife and I brought the kids out to soccer practice.  We both play so we thought why not bring the kids.  We are trying to start a new adult club here, so we both really wanted to be there.  Well, one of the wives of the players volunteered to watch the kids as we all practiced... SAWEET!  An hour in or so, she asked to take them to the bathroom in the church next door.  We said sure, and THANK YOU SO MUCH!

So, a while later, we are wrapping up practice and we realize they are not back yet.  I brush it off - they probably found something fun to do in the church.  I see them all holding hands walking back through the parking lot 10 minutes or so later.  Well it turns out that Little Berserker Spawn had to go poop, not just pee.  So, this person who I have met a total of 2 times was kind enough to wipe my 4 year old's butt.  Now that is a good person to know!**

The funny part is this:  We are sitting at lunch after practice at the dining table and LBS says to Beautiful Wife, "I have two underwears on."  BW and I just look at each other, skeptically."Just kidding," he says quickly afterward.  We just brush it off.  It turns out 4 year olds have weird things running through their heads and they like to say them out loud a lot.  We completely discount it. 

That night, getting the kids ready for bed, it turns, yes, in fact he is wearing 2 pairs of underwear.  The outer one is on backwards too!  Great!  That must be comfortable...

So, our 'friend' (I only put it in quotes because I hardly know the women - she is actually very nice and kind and we both really like her, but we are not really friend yet) must think we are really on the ball parents.  Little boy running around with 2 sets of undies, one on backwards...  Parenting fail.  PARENTS 0 - Berserker Spawn 1. 

Well played son, well played.


**The real test is next week - will she watch them again? DUN DUN DA DUN.

Haiku Monday - Frustration

Frustration

Tense frustration builds

"I love you" is my mantra

Sometimes the kids win

Ant induced rage and potty training disaster

Your party ends now you bastards!  Photo credit: flickr user tarotastic

I have a new goal in life - the utter obliteration of all ants!  I declare war on you bastards and I will have my revenge!  I swear it on all things I hold holy (punk rock, German beer, Irish whiskey, Lagrangian mechanics, Feynman diagrams and the Badger State)... there will be a reckoning.

So, as you may have figured out, we have an ant problem at my house.  I believe we have what is known as a super colony living under our house.  From April until October I battle the bastards.  I am like the Father from A Christmas Story - I am one of the most feared ant fighters in southern Virginia and in the heat of battle I have woven more than one tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan (or the Atlantic...).

His nemesis: furnace.  My nemesis: Ants!

Let me start at the beginning.  So after a great day at work, I pick up the Berserker brood from daycare.  Everyone had a great day at school and they were both in good moods.  I walk into the house and begin making dinner.  The toaster oven trips the circuit breaker and I notice and MASSIVE infestation of ants crawling out of my pantry.  I hustle the kids out of the kitchen, restart the toaster oven, and begin my extermination campaign.  I realize they are everywhere!  I am so annoyed.  The whole time Little Berserker Spawn is sitting right on the edge of the kitchen whining for a toy car that is in there.  I try to ignore him.

But I get to work, cleaning and killing.  I feel no pity for them.  I squish them.  I spray them with cleaner.  It is about 80 degrees in the house, because I turn off the A/C while we are at work, so I am sweating my ass off.  LBS is still whining for his toy - I tell him [well growl is probably closer to the truth] to find a different car - you have 80 of them - and go play for 5 minutes.  Then I check the toast - I burned it... RAWR!  So annoyed.  I put some new bread in and start it.

I then decide to check on the kids... Oh.My.God...  I find Sweet Little Hellion in the living room sitting on the potty - no pullup on.  OK.  That seems ok - odd, since she hasn't used the little potty in a month - but fine.  She pops up off the potty saying "I did it!"  I clap. [wait for the cosmic bitch-slap back]  She turns around, and she has diarrhea all down her backside...

Oh yeah, potty training is all stickers, smiles, bunnies and bears.  Photo credit: flicker user byte

I scream, "WHERE IS YOUR PULLUP??????"

She points at the couch.  I see a diarrhea laden pullup sitting on our cream couch. [I know... brilliant.  We bought it before we were even married... idiot no kids couple we were.]  LBS, the whole time is saying "Good job SLH, good job" and "She had to poop Dad" over and over.  I yell at him to go in the man cave and leave me alone for a bit.  [aren't I nice... UGH... really great parent sometimes... poor little guy - I made it up to him later and apologized...]

So, then I realize the SLH has poop all over her shorts.  So, she must have pulled the diarrhea pullup off, placed it on the couch, then waddled with her shorts around her ankles across the room to sit on the potty... GREAT... naked diarrhea butt hanging out walking over the living room carpet... JUST GREAT!

So I clean her up and get a pullup on her.  I check the toast... BURNT AGAIN!  At this point my head is really about to explode.  So, before I unleash my berserker rage, I decide to let the kids play in the living room (I checked the floor - no obvious poop trail... luckily) while I change out of my work clothes into shorts and a tshirt.

I come down stairs and, luckily, Beautiful Wife has arrived home.  She looks at me and I say "I need you take over with the kids."  She takes the kids upstairs away from me. I make peanut butter sandwiches for dinner with oranges and peas [I sure know how to pair food, don't I?].  Then I finish murdering the ants, cleaning, sanitizing and chemically defending my home.  After which, I drank a beer in silence in the kitchen by myself.

SUPER HAPPY FUN TIME!

Haiku Monday - Marriage

Marriage

It's hard to explain

But you can't marry your sister

Nevermind, you are 4...

Imagine Awesome - such a great idea.

The Fort - artwork by Archie Makice & Garrett Miller.  From flicker user kmakice.  Used under the Creative Commons

(CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Remember when you were a kid and you took out your pen or pencil and just went to town drawing crazy, outlandish things that came into your head?  Kids are so brilliant when it comes to conception of ideas and imagination.  I know, however, my artistic skill never quite matched up with the brilliance of my imagination.  I never cared, because I saw it in my head.  I am a very visual thinker. 

But what if a talented artist took your drawing and expanded on it.  Polished it.  Professionalized it!

That is exactly what Garret Miller is doing over at Imaginawesome.com.  You send a hi-res version of a kids picture and he re-imagines it - re-executes it.  Making a super awesome, professional-professional quality version. 

Have a look at his site.  Maybe send some of your kid's stuff in!

Back home - a quick recap of Northwoods insanity.

Was on vacation for the last week and a half.  Went to the great north woods to our family cabin for the 4th of July holiday.  Kids played in the water from sun rise to sunset.  I enjoyed some swimming, hanging with the family, and relaxing.  Mainly, I just enjoyed returning to the cabin.  I had not been there for 6 years.  I spent weeks every year up at that cabin with my brother and some assortment of adults.  I also enjoyed having my family watch my kids so I didn't have to always be on call for them.  That was AWESOME!  It totally sucks living 1000 miles from any family...

A quick rundown of my world as I was gone:

The Kids were GOOD!
I have some very odd relatives.
I openly fought with my mother in law... OH JOY!
I treasure my family and worry for my wife's family.
After 2 weeks of 16 hour days (before vacation), I don't want to go back to work.
10 days of vacation is enough.
Little Berserker Spawn turns 4 on Monday.
I am NOT making goody bags for his preschool party.
I need a vacation from my vacation...

I may go into more detail later.  I need to decide if I want to dig into the whole fight with my mother-in-law or not.  I might try to convince Beautiful Wife to post about it.  She needs to get it off her chest more than I do.  That means I should probably let her know about the blog... ROFL... oh yeah, I never told her... It has been my personal sounding board... that discussion should be interesting.

Haiku Monday - Father's Day

Father's Day

Take some time to thank

The man who took time for you

"Just rub dirt on it"

Haiku Monday - Illness

Illness

Sick of being sick

Tired of no damn energy

Children bring disease

I love my kids, I really do.  I just wish they wouldn't bring home every superbug illness in the world.  I think the CDC should do some case studies of the germ factories that are children. I haven't been really well in years... but maybe that isn't my kids fault... maybe...

Children's TV

Used under the Creative Commons license. Attribution: James Good

My kids (age 2 and 3) get to watch 30 minutes of TV during the week. Monday through Saturday they alternate watching a show of their choosing at 7pm, before jammies and reading books before bed. Here are some thoughts on children's television.

Shows I we love:
Phineas and Ferb - Insane engineering and imaginative inventions coupled with the very laid back attitude of the two main characters makes this a show I don't feel bad letting my kids watch.  It is entertaining and (I think) helps kids feel they can do anything (even if it violates the laws of physics).  Kids should feel like they can do anything.

Sesame Street - it was a staple of my childhood and it makes me happy that my kids enjoy something that I also enjoyed as a kid.


Shows I tolerate my kids love:
DinoDan - Has dinosaurs in it.  And the animation dinosaurs are superimposed on real action.  OH NOES - DINOSAURS ARE REAL!  But they never eat anyone... weird.  My kids love it.
 
Max & Ruby - (I still think Max & Ruby's parents are off boozing with Dora and Diego's rents) Overbearing older sister forces younger brother to do weird things.  Younger brother attempts to simultaneously be nice to his sister and annoy the hell out of her.  Seems fairly realistic.  Except for the older sister's patience... what is she a Saint?

My kids also love Dora (my son) and Diego (my daughter).  Dora has the weird effect that it instantly puts me to sleep.  It is her weird eyes that don't point in the same direction.  When she stares at you, I think it hypnotizes me and I instantly fall asleep.  Therefore, I leave the room during Dora.  


Shows that are not allowed on the television in my house:
Wonderpets - stupid duck. If I have to hear about things getting "SEERWEOUS" one more time I will lose my shit. 'Oh no, the stupid pink unicorn is stuck in the mud... we must help him.' If that is the worst thing that happens today - I vote best day ever. The animation (or is it claymation... I really cannot tell) makes me want to vomit.

Barney - Stupid purple dinosaur. Annoying purple dinosaur.  BAD DINOSAUR, BAD DINOSAUR!

Haiku Monday - Kids...

Kids

I'm losing my mind

one crazy child at a time

there is no hope left